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Crude Lyrics
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Click on a song title to read its lyrics.
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bethany was a goth chick.
now she's a laundry whore.
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I'LL EAT YOUR LIVER!
you answer the forum post, so I'll be your dinner host
i want to eat you. (it is a sexual act)
You arrived at 6 to 10, i wrapped you in foil (tin)
you stepped in the oven. (it is a sexual act!)
i'll eat your liver, i'll eat your toes
i'll eat your brains, and all of your holes
i'll keep your meat in the deep freeze,
under the frozen peas!
two hours IF YOU PLEASE at 450 degrees
my, you are so tasty! (it is a sexual act.)
judges say that i'm obscene, i'll lick your bones clean.
now, you're my leftovers. (it is a sexual act!)
i'll eat your liver, i'll eat your toes
i'll eat your brains, and all of your holes
i'll keep your meat in th deep freeze,
under the frozen peas!
now i'm in for 8 years, it's not as long as i feared
i was charged with manslaughter,
but IT WAS A SEXUAL ACT!!
i ate your liver, i ate your toes
i ate your brains, and all of your holes
i kept your meat in the deep freeze,
under the frozen peas!
I ATE YOUR LIVER!
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sorry to offend our sponsors
sorry to offend the public
sorry to offend our fans but after all
that's only two or three people.
sorry to offend you greek chicks
sorry to offend you peaceniks
sorry to upset you, sorry to offend you
but someone's got to do it!
someone's got to do it!
someone's got to do it!
sorry to upset the censors
sorry to offend our mentors
sorry to upset you, sorry to offend you,
but someone's got to do it!
someone's got to do it!
someone's got to do it!
disclaimer, datclaimer, can we get any lamer?
preempt my opinions, to satisfy your minions
i can't say i get kicks, from polling demographics
a sick joke, a bad song, and you inspired this one!
sorry to offend our girlfriends
sorry to offend our guyfriends
sorry to offend any genders we left out
that might be screening this program.
sorry to offend your PACs
but cynicism runs like a disease
sorry to upset you, sorry to offend you
but someone's got to do it!
someone's got to do it!
someone's got to do it!
disclaimer, datclaimer, can we get any lamer?
you can't get on TV unless you're really cheesy
frying pan to the fire, we're caught in a QUAGMIRE
a dumb joke, a bad song, and you inspired this one!
sorry to upset you, sorry to offend you
but someone's got to do it!
someone's got to do it!
someone's got to do it!
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BLOOD BLOOD EVERYWHERE medical care
should not be this tortuous, not fair
pitchforks, lynching mobs, cordoroy pants
big and loud, singing out chants and hymnals
what do we do now? they're summoning nine cows!
there was a riot at the medical mall
with hordes of dead physicians lining the hall (with zombies)
give us a chainsaw and he'll embrace them all
CHRIST WILL SAVE THE DAY!
and after fighting at the fireman's ball
they started bible study during the massacring
we wanted liberty and justice for all
christ is on his way!
i paid 89.30 with TAX
just to get stitches with thumbtacks
makeshift catheters AMBULANCE CRASH
killed the guy treating my rash, it spreads to my
genital herpes, don't share my slurpie
there was a riot at the medical mall
with bloody crosses we make telephone calls (to zombies)
we'll make them suffer till the lord makes them crawl
christ will save the day.
your demolition fetish isn't enough
to turn the enemy to sparkling dust (of zombies)
we ride the gurneys to the edge of the bluff
CHRIST WILL MAKE THEM PAY.
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it's halloween - vampire bats are lurking in my soul
she's so obscene - she's the bridge, and i'm the mighty troll.
on halloween - girl gets gored
'cause if she don't - she gets bored.
O she likes to get gored, she likes to get gored
O she likes to get gored, she likes to get gored,
on halloween - she likes it when, the rats, they eat her face
lest she obsess - black dress, trimmed with bloody lace
on halloween - girl gets gored
'cause if she don't - she gets bored.
O she likes to get gored, she likes to get gored
O she likes to get gored, she likes to get gored.
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goddamned moon, you make this week seem like a century
you took away my port of entry, goddamned moon.
goddamned moon, and now my playground is all bloody
i might as well sit here and study, goddamned moon.
OH, i don't want to see you bleed
this is gonna get messy indeed.
the thought of all that blood makes me heave...
goddamned moon! i really hate the situation
i thick red tangle of frustration, goddamned moon!
goddamned moon, i understand it's just a girl thing
but i'm a guy and i am suff'ring, goddamned moon.
OH, you bought a lot of bread
spent all my dough so i'm seeing RED
the reproductive cycle has been having repercussions over me
goddamned moon! BLOODY BLOODY BLOODY CYCLE
so won't you please put down that rifle! goddamned moon!
goddamned moon! a bloody bloody bloody cycle
so won't you please put down that rifle! goddamned moon!
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I was suspended for a nameless crime;
For being caught up in my sexual prime
What is a girl to do?
My flavor seal has come unglued
Can't do my homework 'cause my pen's gone dry.
Instead I'm revving up my...cherry pie.
If it's sacriledge to speak my mind,
You'd better cross yourself and close your eyes.
(Cherry Pie!)
If I don't appeal to your urge,
Then you'll be face with my girly scourge
With a rusty tin of peppermint punch
And a jug of milk for two.
Cuz I'm a CLOSET NYMPHOMANIAC babe,
And I'm closing in on you.
I can strip the glossy paint from your soul
And scramble your tatoo.
Like a spatula that's stirring your brain,
I'm turning it to goo.
My suicidal alter ego called.
She's got a fetish for the costume ball.
The air is six below outside.
Since when was there a cold July?
You're making noises from behind the stage.
Someone mistook you for a messed-up mage.
With twenty-nine balloons in tow,
Where is a ho to go, joe?
(Cherry Pie?)
Like an amoeba with with wings,
I'll give you a reason to sing.
Take a chance and you'll be conquering lands
And living off your dimes
With a CLOSET NYMPHOMANIAC heart
And a foot for modern times.
The chandaliers will crash to the floor
And the sprinklers activate
For the CLOSET NYMPHOMANIAC world
And all the noise it makes.
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(unintelligible mmmphing about our favorite late restaurant)
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little man makes amends with friends, by an old oak tree
with a bottle and a blood-soaked rag, in a greasy bag
mothwhiskey mothwhiskey
little boy on the state fairground, sees a girl without shoes
poke a sign in the beach nearby, "please keep off the dunes"
mothwhiskey mothwhiskey
moth attack on a screaming child, on a screened in porch
kills a light on the countryside, on a country road
mothwhiskey mothwhiskey
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What's the world coming to?
There's violence on the streets.
There's prostitutes and queers about
and Hell in all you meet.
We need a man who knows the stuff
to save all our souls,
and it doesn't hurt that He can make
a bomb from common mold.
Chorus:
Richard Dean Anderson died for your sins.
He's gonna help to get us out of the trouble that we're in.
Richard Dean Anderson died for your sins.
He's gonna save us from the whores and pimps and all the gay men.
Give Him a pocket knife,
some duct tape, and a rope.
He died for your sins,
not Jesus or the pope.
Macguyver's better than God,
so don't give Him no lip.
He can build a nuclear bomb
with a fucking paper clip!
(Repeat Chorus twice)
Richard Dean Anderson died for you.
Gaymen!
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tried to quit
lovin' you
but i'm not
able to
tried to stop
what i've done
'cause he's punishin' everyone
tried to sell
all my things
it ain't worth
what it brings
tried to sell
all my friends
i guess that it helped, it depends.
tried to be
a little more laid back and carefree
and think something greater would save me from it
tried to fit, tried to quit!
tried to page
my old shrink
he don't care
what i think
tried to change
how i feel
but loneliness doesn't appeal
'cause you're all i want
you and you're all i need
too bad for me,
'cause i bet you are habitual
takes all i've got
just to call and see
what your answer will be
though i'll never know, i'm sure it's no, oh!
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She was feeling sad and lonely.
Went out to sing some karaoke.
Her Carolina clothes were too offensive.
She couldn't wear her sweatpants with COCKS across the ass.
That friday night, she started to feel loose.
The next day, her pants were stained with grape juice.
As of today, she couldn't buy replacements.
They stopped selling sweatpants with COCKS across the ass.
They've cut off their biggest merchandising.
They've screwed themselves but that's not surprising.
They've taken away may favorite pastime:
Watching all the girls pass with COCKS across the ass.
These tries to tone us down are good for nothing.
Closed-minded paper-pushers (bible thumping),
Guess you should have never picked a phallic mascot.
It looks like it just came back to bite you in the ass.
She wears her sweatpants with COCKS across the ass.
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